4 Comments

  1. Lisa O'Neill
    June 3, 2022 @ 10:06 am

    In regards to Kinship and Victimhood… Support groups comes to mind. Isn’t that sometimes necessary? Granted a good facilitator with the T.E.D. training can direct that.

    How does one work through CPTSD and PTSD from an abusive marriage from a person with a personality disorder? For example a covert narcissist, someone bipolar or borderline personality disorder? We are victims of emotional, financial, verbal, non-verbal, sexual (withholding is sexual abuse too) and sometimes physical abuse.

    From reading your book, I now know I did many things wrong before he discarded me.I enabled him because I understood why he was how he was.. yet, I kept doing what I thought was right to keep the peace (there never was any) I understood he is a victim of his fathers constant abuse. I also realized from your book the things I did that was right with him and when raising my children. The crazy thing is… what I was doing right with the ex is part of why he left. Of course he did not leave until he secured someone else. At one point he had told our adult daughter that he told his father that he was making him chose between him or me. His father won. It took him the 38 years we were married.. but he did it.
    I guess my point is… for some… being a victim of decades of psychological abuse is a bit more of a challenge. Through your book and the weekly emails I am seeing change and growth in me. I want to help others that have been victimized become victorious.
    This type of victimhood is not the day to day stuff that happens in the workplace. This is the dark stuff that goes on behind closed doors. The stuff that does not get talked about because of the fear no one will believe you.
    Thank you for my rant..

    Reply

    • TED*
      June 9, 2022 @ 9:51 am

      Thank you for writing, Lisa. You are right, there are scales of victimization from 1-10, and you are describing a high level, and that is more complex to be sure. Support groups are definitely beneficial, and when well run, are not about reinforcing the poor victim mentality, but rather are about a safe place for people to tell their stories and release that held in pain in a supportive environment. The critical issue now is, where are you going to place your focus going forward? You cannot change the past. What happened, happened. It’s what you choose to do next that counts. I have learned that forgiveness (which is not the same as approval) allows you to release the tethers that bind you. Focus on what you want to create in your life going forward and take the baby steps to get you there. When the pain and victim feelings re-emerge, as they will, let them move through you, acknowledge them. Then, take a mental time out and breathe. After you have regained some calm, focus on your next positive baby step. It is hard, but it IS doable.

      Reply

  2. Dan Holden
    June 6, 2022 @ 10:15 am

    I’ve overheard many conversations like these and have, sadly, participated in more than a few myself. Thank you for writing.

    Reply

    • TED*
      June 9, 2022 @ 9:43 am

      It’s so easy to get sucked in. Next time, try changing the narrative and see how it changes the energy of the conversation. We would love to hear back from you!

      Reply

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